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Everyone wants to manifest things in their lives. Everyone wants to actualise their dreams into reality. We want abundance, prosperity, happiness, joy, peace, material possessions, success, fame, happy relationships….. the works.

I see people do every kind of manifestation activities; vision boards, affirmations, water technique, visualisations, positive thinking, and so on. And ever so often we hear people complaining about the fact these techniques not really working out for them. Many times people experience minor changes once they start, things start looking up and get better. But then the momentum stops and people wonder why the techniques which work for others don’t work for them.

But not many know that there is a small gateway which we have to go through before we enter the gates of Abundance. And of those who know, not many are willing to travel this seemingly turbulent road.

When I hold manifestation activities and exercises, like meditations, affirmation writing, bay leaf exercise, etc, thereare so many people willing, rather clamoring to join and are willing to pay for it as well. But I keep an exercise on forgiveness…… the number drops dismally low even when it is free.

And that is very sad to see. Because not many realise that the doorway to Manifestation is Self-love and the door to self-love opens with the key called forgiveness.

Everyone wants to forgive, but feel it is the most difficult thing to do. And that is because we have a very flawed concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the easiest thing to do once you realise you’re doing it for yourself and not for others.

People generally feel that to forgive someone means to condone what that person has done, to say that “it’s okay that you hurt me.” On the contrary it rather means that “what you did to me was absolutely not okay, and I’m not going to carry it with me anymore.”

Let me give an analogy……

You move into a brand new home, the home of your dreams. And the very next day, your neighbor comes and dumps his/her garbage into your brand new home.

What do you do? Of course you are angry, hurt, frustrated. You go and have a face-off with your neighbor and ask him/her to get the dirt out. But what happens if they refuse to do that? Do you continue to sulk and seethe inside and vow to force him to clean up your house? Well that could take weeks, months, years….decades even. And what happen to your house in that time? Your house starts smelling, stinking, gathering flies and insects. And then in your rightfulness you insist that you will make him clean up his mess, right?

Isn’t that what we do with all the hurt and pain in our lives. It is caused by someone else. But we are so focused on who caused the pain that we don’t realise the damage that doing is doing to us.

The second option is to clean up your own house, irrespective of who created the mess. Because you stay in your house and no one else.

But what if the neighbor dumps the garbage again the next day? Well that would be very foolish of you, wouldn’t it? Why would you leave your door open for your neighbor again? If you leave your house door open and your neighbor once again dumps in the garbage there…. Guess whose fault it is?

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you allow the person to hurt you all over again. Forgiveness not only means that “I have been so hurt with your behaviour, and I will not carry the burden of that pain.” but also that, “I have been so hurt with your behaviour, I won’t allow you to do it again.”

Forgiveness says that the real estate of my mind is so very valuable that I can’t give you any space there.

Some people feel forgiveness is saying that it doesn’t hurt. That is why so many find it difficult to forgive. Because, ultimately it does hurt and it is a more painful task hiding the hurt. But forgiveness is acknowledging the hurt, accepting and feeling the pain and then promising yourself you will not put yourself through that anymore. Forgiveness tells the world that I love myself too much to allow you to hurt me. And that is a very badass thing to do.

And it is only when you release the burden of others pain hurt and anger from your shoulders that you will be able to unlock the doorway of self-love.

Forgiveness is never about the other person…. It is all about YOU.

And that brings us a much neglected aspect of forgiveness and that is self-forgiveness. We don’t realise that, more often than not, we need to forgive ourselves. When we are able to forgive ourselves, it becomes so much easier to forgive others.

But many of us don’t really feel the need for self-forgiveness. We love ourselves, right? So why would we hurt ourselves. And if we don’t hurt ourselves, then what is the whole point of self-forgiveness. For all those of you facing this dilemma, here’s a simple exercise to identify those parts of you that you need to forgive.

Complete the following sentences:

1) I am upset with myself for/ because

2) I am angry with myself for/ because

3) I hate myself for/ because

4) I am unable to forgive myself for

5) The one thing I have been desperately wanting/trying to change about myself and haven’t been able to

Completing these statements will give you an idea of those parts of you or your inner children, which you have not been able to accept and who need your love and forgiveness. It might be a little scary, facing those parts of ourselves whom we, often, brush under the carpet. But the more self-forgiveness you do the better you feel.

And how do we forgive, even if we are convinced to do so? I have found the simplest, easiest yet effective technique of forgiveness is the Ho’opnopono.

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

I thank you.

I love you.

I know its ironic, because here we are asking for forgiveness rather than forgiving others. But believe me, it works. Do the Ho’opnopono with yourself and see the magic unfold in your life.

To sum up, forgiveness might appear difficult, even impossible, but it is not. It is easy once you get the why right. And the more you practice it the easier it gets.

But rest assured that forgiveness is the most potent way to manifest. Because one cannot enter the space of manifestation, fragmented and scattered. We need to need to be complete and whole, with all parts of us, all of our inner children and all our bodies & personalities integrated and one. And forgiveness helps you to be the total sum of you and only you. That is why I call it…..


The Secret Doorway to Manifestation

Dr Sophia Dsouza (MD)



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